Thursday, 26 January 2017
Amazing girl
One day, she eat breakfast and go to work every day. She is 28 years old. When she work done she go to shopping,eating every day. She is so rich.She job is a teacher.She's husband job is a Doctor. She use a lot of money every day. She ask husband that she want to have a baby when she was 30 years old. 2 years later she have a baby and she need to wait for 9 month to get the baby out. When she deliver a child she went to her home, tell her husband to take care of baby and she went to buy thing for her baby. She come back and take care baby. 5 years later she know that take care baby are hard because she need to do every things for baby many years to grow up and help yourself. Now she are learning how to be mom. Amazing girl is mom.
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8 comments:
Although your story doesn't really make sense,I like how you create the story.Things you have to include:
-use her in stead of she Ex.Her job is a teacher.
-use the word that it been given.Carrot,steel,mauve,under,tearful.
Hi Ploy,
Your story is good but you didn't add the words that we have to add in the story. Please work on this sentence... She's husband job is a Doctor. Instead you could write Her husband's job is a doctor. Work on your past and present tense and spellings.
From your classmate, Leah
Aim and Leah have left some good advice, Ploy. I agree with them.
nice story ploy but instead of writing now she are learning you can say now she is learning.
I* Ploy*
nice story but next time try to make the sentence more sense.
I really liked the story but work on the tense.
Good story Ploy but it does not make sense and the grammar and tenses are something you need to Improve I know your only in year 6 but you just need to Improve to get better at it.
Also you should make the title more exciting.
from Gianna.
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