Friday 27 January 2017
the dark world
One day in a dark temple one man was running out of a dark temple,one ghost is following the man, that man's name was John he see one boy John see a ghost he pickup a gun and shoot to ghost,but the gun went through the ghost but is hit steel and ghost are running out,John is eat carrots and go back to a dark temple and he hear a some body tearful in a dark temple,John see a boy John go looking and John see a boy is mauve,John running out of temple........bye
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3 comments:
I like your writing but a bit of your writing does not make sense.
I like your story idea but be careful when writing with past and present tense and mauve means pale purple so the boy can't be mauve.
I like that you have tried to use commas to structure your work and that you used one of your spelling words (man's).
Keep the whole thing in the same tense.
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